Genius, sigh

    So Herman came, and went.  He is 71 years old, and a former biochemistry professor.  He says I am like his adopted daughter, he is my nurse practitioner who does this for his retirement (even though he's already a very rich person).  He told me that he thinks my IQ is 200 as he smiled upon my halfhearted sketches discarded on the dining room table, as if they were drawings by Da Vinci himself.

    He thinks that I should be with a male that is more suited to me intellectually, and although I liked on a long time ago he and I are not compatible.  I can see through him, which he wasn't used to.

   Peter is very smart, Herman doesn't disagree, he just thinks "Not as smart as you."

    I sit here with Peter sometimes and I ache to have an interesting long psychological and philosophical conversation, but he gets bored and doesn't listen or reply.  Or understand sometimes.  Sometimes he does, but it's all about interests.  He can do the 3d models and whatnot very well, he is also subordinate, but not really.  He's just ...goin with the flow.   Like I do.  But sometimes I just need to rearrange his flow.

   Whenever I try to talk to people about how I feel, so different and such, and how so much is riding on my 'intelligence' as perceived by others...they get annoyed.  They think I'm trying to ... hmmm brag?  I would rather be ignorant & blissful than super intelligent and miserable.

  The only thing that gives me some solace, is the fact that I am not alone in this world.  I just have to keep quiet, because only 1 person out of 100 could usually understand me.  I think about how we're all recycled atoms, energy, particles.  Once I could have been something big, or millions of times I could have been part of so many huge emotional things.  Like, maybe I was the snake that allegedly killed Cleopatra, maybe I was also a T Rex Dinosaur, a star in the milky way, a Martian, the first cat ever to be born - the list is endless.  So many interesting things, and perhaps after I am dead I will be apart of something bigger as well, as my atoms disperse.  Then when my family and friends are dead too, maybe, we will find each other & become one again.

Mild net stardom = STALKERS. I'm totally going to get a nose job and change my name

    So it's harder and harder to keep my anonymity a secret.  I'm either a guy, a girl, androgynous - whatever.

Then there's the other me where I use my full normal info & people get to see my face, no one stalks her that much.  Lolz XD.

   So I admit I stay home a lot and mess w/ the net for a very good reason - I'm sick.  Like all the time.  Bubble boy sick, lmfao.  My immune system is a pathetic POS.

   But it's harder these days, more and more people are tracking me down.  Buggin me, I have to make new screen names to keep em away.

    TBH my worst nightmare is to be a Perez Hilton.  I even stopped dying my hair blue because people annoyed me so much, but I'm prob gonna go back to it nxt year.   More and more people are doing it ...but I HATE the attention.  Maybe I should just get a couple of cosplay wigs if I can ever afford a loft so I can make my art pieces in PEACE.  I need the room, I couldn't care less if I had to keep my bed in the same room, it's called Japanese Screens.  My boyfriend calls me a weeaboo.  

   Also, I have to stay faaaar away from my gal pals, so I talk to em in text, on FB, etc.  But, well, I'm hella gay.  Like, so gay that my mind is constantly aware of the fact that around chicks IRL I get all... "Uh...heh...um ...what?"

    I like my boyfriend because he's a bit girly, also when I practice my illusion make up on him, he looks like a  pretty girl!!! @_@  

    I'm working on him... maybe one day he'll get in full drag for me if we ever get our own place.  Hmmm...
The fact he has a penis makes things easier, also, it's a nice penis.  Not small, not too thin, etc.  Although, who doesn't want a bigger wang in their fiddle diddle if it can take it?  After dating all those Spics, I mean, maaan, they just ... have so much fucking energy & say, "Hell to condoms."  I miss the passion, I really do - but I enjoy that I found someone like me.  Totally fucked up.

  But yeah, I'm going to keep trying to stay anonymous.  Keep my face hidden etc, use other SNs for all these stupid interweb celeb crap goin on.  I would love to move to Hollywood and by the next G4 gamer (but I suck at gaming from my bad joints, I love being a backseat gamer though for Hitman & Bioshock etc.  I'm supergood at strategy games.  Also, I can't game online because I foolishly let my parents use my desktop PC... may it rest in pieces.  Same thing for my laptop, but I had it since I was 17, I'm almost 22 now).

   Lol, everyones texting me, but when the people who are coming by get asked to pick up a pregnancy test - no one replies.

FFFUUU Sick

   So a number of shitty things have been happening to me lately.  Other than the alleged torn rotator cuff I've still been in a lot of pain.  I've been smoking until I don't care about to pain, or meditating, gorging on xanax...well not really, I take Xanax sparingly.  Prescribed TYVM.

    Today after I got my xray and went to the store to look for the right decorative tissue paper (failed), I went to the doctor for an emergency blood drawing.  He weighed me, I lost 4 lbs in the week or two, nice... then he took my blood pressure which is usually below 120 over 70 or something, and it was 159 over something.  Obviously it was due to the pain.

    He said he thought that I should go but I really don't want to unless the tests say that's what it is.  I was in the hospital for 4 days last time, but he assured me that he would take care of me if I went to his hospital.  The Dr's last time couldn't agree on anything & had no idea what caused the pancreatitis, I'm not a drinker or anything.  But because of my Wilson's Disease my liver isn't fantastic.  I don't abuse drugs, I try to eat healthy, this is BULLSHIT.  But it shows how strong and tolerant I am of pain, especially w/ the blood pressure.

   This ...fucking...HURTS.  AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH.

   Ok, ok, I'm fine Im fine.

    So I bought some dollar red hair color as an experiment.  I really wanted demi permanent stuff but I figured that dollar store crap would be more demi than perm since it's not bleaching anything.  I need to give myself a hair cut... sigh... Well I guess I'll dye my hair first (bought 2 containers) then after dying if it's not all screwed up go get it cut at a CHEAP place.  This one place I went wanted 27 bucks for a cut, then 76 for a dye and a cut.  Fuck that, supercuts or something does them for like 15 dollars.  I just need like a trim, but they might need to even out the old layers so I figure a cut would be fine.  It's almost to the middle of my back so screw it, ya know?

   So I have these art pieces due, they're tissue paper flowers (but they're very elaborate & take almost an hour each one to make).  I promised I'd get it done before Sept 1st, but the colors she requested are kind of hard to find.  Dark green (I imagine hunter green), cranberry, beige, & polka dots.  I'm going to have to invest in this big thing of tissue paper I think, hopefully it'll have it.  I in the meantime bought some cranberry decorative color maple leaves & sorta ... well I don't know what they are...it's like cranberry colored thick grass that goes into floral arrangements too.

    Then I need to get more wire, floral wire and some jewelry wire, more tissue paper, pipe cleaners (which I have to use at least 3 of the THICK ones braided to create a nice base, looks the best in black).

    Siiiigh, I get underpaid for it but, it's going to make my potential future grandmother in law happy.

            *facepalm*  what'd I get myself into?  If I go into the hospital I'll let her down.  FFUUU

Irina Palm Review

    This is the poster for a fantastic movie from the UK, Irina Palm.

        It shows just how far a strong woman who loves her family will go to be able to afford life saving medical treatment for someone she loves.

           I recommend it to anyone who looks upon others in the sex trade as those who are less than people.  I've known so many who work just to survive.  If you think about it, what else is easier?  What else doesn't require an education, people skills, good health, or fast money for debt or things of the such?  I don't think I could do it, but if someone I loved was very sick or in trouble & I needed to get money quickly or else they'd die, I do it.  I'd go to Hell and back just to make someone I love better, to Hell and back.

         We see the homeless or those on welfare and think, "Well they look healthy, just sponges on the economy.  Probably a druggie.  Why don't they get a job."

            If you've ever played Bioshock 2, you'd have seen how addictive Adam/Eve is.  It's like an exaggerated version of a crackhead or a pill popper.

           What is it that people need fulfilled?  Everyone has a need to be fulfilled in some way, & sometimes people get in over their heads.  Unless they're a sociopath, they're still a person - and as far as I know, people aren't perfect.

           Irina Palm is a heartwarming, dramatic tale & I recommend it to anyone who likes to be caught off guard as to how good a drama can really be.  9.9 stars, unless a movie is my favorite favorite - there can't be a 10 can there?

Hematomas and creeping creepers

    So, I was getting into the bathtub earlier and I thought I saw a black shadow dart by the door, I soon found myself facepalming in the tub.  My non slip bath mat, slipped as I was getting in it.  Of course I assume that the black flicker was nothing, but I can't remember what happened really.  Buuut... my ankle is gross now, theres a nasty bump on the other side of my ankle and a bruise on my leg developing.  That'll hurt tomorrow...

    I have all these Paranormal shows on my dvr that I don't want to watch alone.  It's not that I'm a "big baby", I'm just tired of shit happening to me.  Aka, poltergeist shit.  Now that my boyfriend is with me more often he's privy to the occasional occurrence.  I have some video of the flashlight test they did on Ghost Hunters... I did it myself to calm my nerves that there was no such thing...

    The videos speak for themselves, but on video things aren't on demand without pause like it is ON video.  The last one turned on immediately when I was saying something like, "do you want me to shut the ..*flashlight turns on.*"    I was saying camera off.  It's pretty mind blowing.   I don't want to admit that there's something here, I don't even want to admit that anything exists.  But after the mannequin head on my bookshelf audibly caught my boyfriend and I's attention by the sound of it being tapped - we both looked over and witnessed it falling off.  No one was walking around, the bookshelf is like 6 feet off the ground, I checked the air flow of the airconditioner and where the wig was placed actually WAS the ONLY place the air didn't even touch.  It never fell before.  I even put it back on, the wig back on too, and shook the bookshelf and jumped up and down and it shook a bit but nothing fell.  -_-  My boyfriend is the biggest skeptic and he admits that was paranormal.  He's even been touched... a lot of people have been or seen things around me.

     I guess a lot of places are... weird?

If anyone wants the links of the videos just message me on AIM or comment.  I'll send it to your email.

My candid review of Fido, so good I don't want to spoil it!!! My fav zombie movie ....

My favorite Zombie movie

just now!

Is Fido. I loved it.  It was all kinds of awesome.  Firstly, I have ovaries so I like cute and happy things, & 50s fashion makes me have a warm and fuzzy...  A lot of girly girls like the way the 50's and 60's clothing and "lifestyle" was portrayed - in fashion mostly though...  You can still go to any major store and buy an vintage inspired dress with an A hemline.  

It's back in fashion!  I had many dresses like that before my aunt tossed them -_-  (grrr).

Anyway, so  Fido had enough heart and reality to it, that it didn't seem like a horror movie at all - but more like an alternate reality of what life would really be like.  I think it accurately portrays how it would be in the 50s- 60s (& onward) if they had zombies and the technology to 'contain them'.  I do think that this movie (which scored a 71% on the tomato meter thus 71% of critics liked the movie) is worth watching.  I can't believe I had never heard of it.  Yep, totally worth watching!!!  4.789 out of 5 stars!  They could easily have just as interesting spinoffs with the same concept!

`    I heard that there is the first series ever of life with zombies coming on air within the next few years, I think I might watch it.  I always feel like zombies ARE a distinct possibility, but that we're more likely to die of something environmental and or of nanobots turning us into grey goo.Grey goo doom

Bioshock 2, & tons of blahblahblah zombie movie!

      Bioshock is one of my all time FAVORITE games.  Everyone I have ever recommended it to has bought it and played it, telling me how effing fantastical it is.   I usually prefer to be a backseat player while medicinally getting totally retarded (for good reason, I have CRIPPLING joint pain, literally...crippling [particularly in my hands these days, laaaame for a gamer, right?!]).  But I enjoy it this way, because I notice whenever my boyfriend or friends play they don't really have any strategies or happen to miss something because they're so immersed in the game.  I'm also really good at Hitman, 2 & 3.  Burnout 3 takedown is the only game I'm good at on the Ps2 using my own hands, but the Wii system is the gaming system I can play the best - and enjoy the most.

      Now back to Bioshock (which I recommend to ANY gamer, PC or not!).  It has a great plot and story line taking place in Rapture, a city under the sea.  The steampunk/40s-50-s decor along with the moral decisions you must make (for each decision, there will always be consequence, whether positive or negative), makes for a very interesting, & unique, storyline that you can replay over and over with different outcomes each time.  Not all of the original developers (who are currently working on Bioshock: Infinite, which is more patriotic than Bioshock) did not all work together on Bioshock 2, which leads it to have a very different and more humanized version of the splicers.  Bioshock 2 reveals that the splicers are indeed human, they're just so addicted to plasmids and such that they cannot contain themselves.  To them, you are the monster, the intruder, & they mostly in Bioshock 2 are fighting due to Lambs orders & for their own safety (defensive strategies).  If you scavenge enough you'll run into human corpses hanging from nooses, you'll walk in on couples with mangled faces dancing, you'll walk in on housewives pleading for you to leave their home be, once I even witnessed a male splicer dragging a female splicer by the foot into a bedroom, her shrieking the entire time (splicer rape?).   You will come across beds with frying pans, candles, covers, pictures, and even memorials to the dead & to Lamb.  Lamb is virtually the savior to the Splicers, yet I have not finished the game as of yet.  I am quite excited to see where the storyline goes.

Anyway, more to come!!! It's almost 5:35 am, and I think it's time to get some rest.  In the meantime, get yourself gaming!  I'm not sure if I'm going to go to bed right now because I have FIDO, a VERY interesting & unique/off kilter zombie movie, check it out.  I haven't finished it, so I'll report on that later.